Leaving - don't know when I'm coming back...

Well...amongst all I've been through, friends I've known for many years left...
My crush made it clear he hated me
And that now I know at school, whenever I cry quietly all I'll ever get is people who want to trample my feelings even more and say things like
"I would feel bad for him, but I don't even like him"

...Now, it's happened a couple times. But, this time my mom really treats me like I'm nothing to her. A couple months back, she insisted that I liked my cousins friend. I told her over and over I didn't, until I cried. I then yelled
"I do not like him, and whatever you are trying to say is nothing but a lie!"
Then I ran upstairs, there my mother yelled saying,
"You should not talk to me like that! Because without me, you are NOTHING! YOU ARE NOTHING! YOU ARE NOTHING!"
(She then proceeds to knock my things down and walk away.)
I could not stand that she would point out this, but here, did I do something really that bad?

  Yesterday, I had a terrible mood swing, and unfortunately I knew it. I was quite aware of it.  Now, yesterday she said to my uncle and aunt, in a van with me, with cousins behind me.
"Jan doesn't read or do anything! He never takes out a book to read or study like Joselle!"
I yelled...
"Well, that's because whenever I do, you bother me! You're always asking what's this about? Or questions like what are you doing? You bother me, and I won't read in your presence!"
She stayed silent until we got at home. She took my phone saying that without her, I don't have a phone or anything I have. And she said I am nothing. I'm not even an high school graduate, and have no authority to do anything, and I am stuck doing whatever she says. Yet, even after exclaiming I'm nothing, she said I don't ever help her. That same day, I fixed pillow covers, blankets, mattress covers, and folded shirts, pants, put away underwear. And she calls everything I've done that same day. Nothing. It hurts to hear. And this time I can't just shrug it off and keep moving unlike school friends. This is my mother, she's right, I'm stuck here. I can't stand being at school and facing rude people everywhere...or going home and being made to look like a lazy, stupid, unhelpful child. She has taken away the computer, but left everything else. Cutting me off from Oasis, but leaving the forums. I don't know when I'm getting that computer back. I don't know what I'll do after this. I'm not suicidal, not yet, but I really don't want to eat or talk for a while... I'm just so stressed out by all this that I don't know if and when I'll feel better, or when she'll hand over that computer. The computer which is something she can say 
"Without me, you wouldn't have this."
I don't know if I can accept her 'gifts' things she would post on Facebook and say is a reward for doing well in school. When i do of course. Those gifts, were nothing but something she can post and boast about. Not something truly meant for me, but for her. Even if I do get that computer back, will I be well enough to say, 
"Ok, I will play"
 I just can't, so goodbye until then...

Hang in there jand everything will get better soon. I have been going through pretty much the same problems with family a d it got better over time.and promise us you wont go suicidal k

Im not really sure exactly what to say other than it does get better love

jandavey wrote:I'm not suicidal, not yet

If you really are considering hurting yourself, I advice you call a hotline. Go to people who have experience with things like this. They have more experience and knowledge than anyone else.

jandavey wrote:I'm just so stressed out by all this that I don't know if and when I'll feel better

Only time will tell.

jandavey wrote:or when she'll hand over that computer. The computer which is something she can say 
"Without me, you wouldn't have this."

Well, she is still your mother. But taking things away this way and talking about/to you like this is very childish and immature.

jandavey wrote:I don't know if I can accept her 'gifts' things she would post on Facebook and say is a reward for doing well in school. When i do of course. Those gifts, were nothing but something she can post and boast about. Not something truly meant for me, but for her. Even if I do get that computer back, will I be well enough to say, 
"Ok, I will play"
 

You don't have to accept that stuff. Leave facebook for what it is for a while, as it only triggers memories and bad stuff about school and other things. Take a break from social media. My mum sometimes sends me shit like that as well, I just message her: "Stop that, I don't need that stuff. I don't want to visit that site for stuff like that.

My mum also used my name and address to get a wheelchair for my grandpa... Okay, I don't mind cause it was for my grandpa, but she didn't tell me she used my name for it. So I was quite mad about that.

Jan, it's all gonna get better. You're one awesome person, and I know for a fact that this will all get better. Sure, life has its ups, and downs, but you gotta just climb that mountain, It will be better once you reach the top. Till then, I suggest not thinking about it, and thinking of the future, y'know? Write some stories, poems, or keep a journal, keep your mind off it. Just keep in mind that it WILL get better. Just know we all love you to pieces, and only come back when your ready, we won't judge. You just gotta climb that mountain, hun. We love you, and hope to see you soon.


Oh and remember


 

^ that is real :)

good luck you going to need it for the shit your going thort hops it gets better for you man

 oh and white girl that a grass phone case l: ?

Hope life gets better for you man, Good luck.
<3